Originally published: March 2024
Teens experience a lot of change, both physically and emotionally, and it's important to support them in emotional regulation—how to manage and control their emotions in a healthy way. When teens can regulate their emotions, they do better in school, tend to have positive, lasting relationships, and are better able to deal with life’s ups and downs.
As a parent or caregiver, you play a key role in teaching your teen emotional regulation skills. Teens can learn to better handle their emotions through modeling, guidance, practice, and experience.
There are lots of ways you can help your teen learn to regulate their emotions. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
Help them identify their feelings
Teach your teen to recognize their emotions. Help your teen to tune into and share what they feel in their body during both positive and uncomfortable feelings. These body signals might come up as sweaty hands and a sore stomach, or a warmth in their chest, or something different.
Explore the feelings wheel together. Teens may have a bigger vocabulary than young children, but we can all struggle to identify and share our feelings from time to time. Start in the middle (with simple words like “sadness” or “joy”). As your teen gets more comfortable, work your way outwards to more complex feelings. Having tools like this can help your teen understand, communicate, and work through complex emotions. Use the feelings wheel yourself when talking with your teen to model how useful it can be.
Validate their feelings
Let your teen know that their emotions are valid, even if you don't understand why they’re feeling a certain way. Try not to say things like "you shouldn't be upset about that" or "you’re overreacting." Instead, say "I can see that you're really upset. Can you tell me what's bothering you?"
Teach them deep breathing
Do breathing exercises together to help you both feel calm and relaxed. For example, try calm breathing:
- Take slow breaths in through your nose (for about 4 seconds)
- Hold our breath for 1 or 2 seconds
- Exhale slowly through your mouth (for about 4 seconds)
- Wait a few seconds before taking another breath
- Repeat this activity for at least 5 breaths
Practice these types of breathing techniques often to make it easier and more comfortable for both you and your teen to do.
Practice mindfulness
Teach your teen mindfulness to help them pause before reacting to big emotions. Try simple practices like progressive muscle relaxation where they focus on tensing and releasing different muscle groups. Or try grounding sensory activities—ask them to calmly look around and name 5 things they can see, 4 things they can touch or feel, 3 things they can hear, 2 things they can smell, and 1 thing they can taste. These types of activities can help your teen stay calm and respond thoughtfully to their emotions.
Consider mindfulness activities as a whole family, like mindful walking or yoga. You’ll connect to the present moment, your body, and get everyone moving too!
Help them express their emotions
Teens can respond to or express their emotions in all sorts of healthy ways. Here are some ideas:
- Write it out in a journal
- Talk to someone trustworthy
- Movement like running, jumping jacks, carrying something heavy, or dance
- Cry
- Sleep
- Draw, paint, craft, play music, or make any piece of art
Model emotional regulation skills
Be aware of your own emotions and how you’re handling them. Being a calm and safe presence for your teen helps them to calm down too. Responding to your teen’s outbursts, shutdowns, or worries by remaining calm is modeling that calm is possible.
Your teen learns how to manage their emotions by watching you and by what you do to help them. Do your best to show your teen healthy ways you manage your own emotions. For example, when faced with something stressful at work, tell them how you manage your emotions, plan your response, and why your response was a good idea or not. Teach them it’s okay to feel and express feelings.
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